I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
