Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize