so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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