Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
