So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
