This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
