dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
