fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
