Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
