Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
