I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
