if i can run in heels then i can drive
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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