Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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