Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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