I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
