I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If its not for food we ain't going out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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