last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
