I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
