When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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