He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize