ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
love makes seman taste better
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
