a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
