Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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