You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
