Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
