Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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