I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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