Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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