We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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