I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
