I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize