You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
