It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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