you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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