uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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