Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
