I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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