It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
