he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize