You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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