The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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