Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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