I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize