i just sent this text using only my big toe
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
