i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
