You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
