He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Randomize
