so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
