you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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