That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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