Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
