my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
