During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
