I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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