Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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