Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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