I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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