Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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