She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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