Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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