so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Shame is for Republicans.
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