There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize