this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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