And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
