you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
