I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
