Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
