I looked at my own cervix.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You took a bar mat shot.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
