It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
