The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
